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[humor] Manly men wear Nomex (was: Flight Suits again...)

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brian

Joined: 02 Jan 2006
Posts: 643
Location: Sacramento, California, USA

Posted: Thu Feb 16, 2006 5:58 pm Post subject: [humor] Manly men wear Nomex (was: Flight Suits again...)

(Three years ago we were having this same discussion. I decided to take

another slant on it. Some of you might remember. I know a number of you

commented that you liked the message so I thought I would post it again

to raise the humor coefficient of the list a bit.



Do not archive)



You know, we have been approaching the decision-making process all

wrong.  When it comes to selecting parachutes, flight wear, oil, etc.,

we have been talking like these are technical decisions.  The problem

is, they aren't!  These are psychological decisions based on the macho

coolness factor (MCF) which has become totally ignored in the decision

making process.  I propose we move it to the forefront where it belongs.



First let's talk about parachutes.  If we leave out the Russian and

Chinese 'chutes because of their questionable acceptance of the FAA we

are left with really four major 'chute manufacturers here in the US:



Manley Butler

Paraphernalia "Softie"

Strong

National



The National is the cheapest and most compact of the 'chutes.  It is

packed to the density of degenerate matter (what one would find in the

core of a collapsed neutron star) so it sucks you butt muscles in and

pulverizes them.  You can sit on this 'chute for about 15 minutes before

requiring medical care.  This works for 25 year old acro competitors

flying 10-minute hops but for old cross-country butts like ours, no way.

 That leaves the National out of the running.



So how do you pick your 'chute from the remaining group?  Well we can

talk about features but it really comes down to something simpler and

more straight-forward. You see, this is really a psychological choice

and the hint is in the name. One is made by "Manl[e]y" Butler, one is

"Strong" and one is "Softie".  You will find that most Real Men with

Fighter Pilot icewater in their veins opt for the "Manly" 'chute.  The

staid, solid pilot opts for the "strong" 'chute. Guys with callsigns

like "Pinkie" opt for the "softie" 'chute.  No worries. Once you

understand this, the selection of a 'chute takes mere milliseconds since

you no longer feel a need to justify your choice.



Flight wear is another issue.  When you are flying the last of the

daytime gunfighters, e.g. F-86, F-11, etc.; there is absolutely no

question about your manliness or fitness as a pilot.  Every combat is a

knife fight and the best *man* wins.  (Sorry, ladies and girlie men need

not apply.)  Period, end of report. Flight wear is not an issue because

one's manliness has already been decided.



But consider the current state of the world.  If you are a fighter pilot

in today's military forces you go up and when combat is imminent you

turn on the weapons system.  Nowadays the funky 'P' shows up on the

weapons display and your headset utters the computer-generated and

distorted word "Playstation".  Head down you manipulate the "joystick"

and all those buttons on the electronic throttle control.  If you do it

right the display reads "Extra Game" and your headset plays the Star

Wars march.  Do it wrong and the last thing you hear is the mournful

rising tone and see the words "Game Over."  Not too manly that.



Or worse yet, you are a shit-hot ... uh, sorry ... "Sierra Hotel" pilot

and after UPT you get transferred to C-141s or CODs.  Boooooring.  No

testosterone there. These poor bus drivers (who don't know that the

weapons system in the F-22

was made by Sony) walk into the O-club and there are the F-22 drivers

talking about "tactics" and "angles" and "vertical penetration".  They

don't realize that the discussion is really about how to get into the

pants of that babe unit at the end of the bar, the one that has them so

intimidated that they won't go anywhere near her.  So what are the bus

drivers going to do?  Start talking up how well they nailed the

localizer in their last hand-flown approach?  Can you THINK of a faster

way to be labeled a girlie man?  (Let's not even TALK about these poor

guys who get out and are now shagging the right seat of a 737 for

Noservice Airlines.)  So we need a way to keep the machismo on display.

Enter Flight Wear!



Flight Wear allows a pilot to retain his manliness when his flying

won't.  Nothing screams "I've got big brass ones" like a Nomex suit

covered with patches. If you doubt me, just look at what the guys around

you are wearing.  The newbies whose last airplane before their Yak-52 or

CJ6A was a C-172 have crisply-starched Nomex suits literally covered

with patches that say things like "Safeway Grocery Airplane Day".  Next

consider the bus drivers with C-141 and COD  experience. Their flight

suits are a little older and a little plainer.  They might even have a

squadron patch.



And on the subject of patches, trashhauler/MAC squadron patches are

bigger, gaudier, and have more grotesque deaths-head symbols than

fighter squadrons.  The little fighter pilot squadron patches say

"triple nickel" or "hat in the ring" while the transport command guys

have patches that say "raw flesh eating, fire and vomit spewing, King

Air drivers."



Now lets consider the guys that flew F6Fs, F4Us, P-80s, F-86s, F9Fs, and

F11Fs in combat.  Not to pick on anyone but Randall Webb is a perfect

example.  He shows up in a CJ6A painted powder BLUE!  He is wearing blue

jeans and a button-down cotton shirt!  No helmet adorns his head!  What

IS this!  Well, he is completely secure in his self-image and knows

that, deep down, there is a lot more similarity than difference between

a CJ6A and a Beechcraft Bonanza.  (Besides, he IS a sierra hotel pilot

and if you are lucky you will fly with him in your back seat or on his

wing during formation training but you didn't hear me say that.)



And if you recall, I mentioned oil.  This one is easy.  Consider two

people: one is sitting at a computer terminal in a laboratory wearing a

clean white lab coat and glasses and muttering about viscosity

coefficients, lubricity factors,

and statistical samples while the other is up in the cowl of an R-2800

wearing an oil stained coverall with the name "Joe" (no one knows any of

his other names anyway) stitched on the front and chomping on a stogie.

 Which one are you going to listen to when it comes to picking your oil?

 Damn straight!  Joe wins by a country mile because he has seen and

fixed it all and doesn't need no stinkin' lab report to know what oil works.



So where am I going with all of this (besides being an equal-opportunity

offender)? Well, I have a proposal to make!  Something that the Red Star

Pilots Association could really get into!  Let's take a page from wildly

successful televison and offer proper training in the form of "Queer Eye

for the Pilot Guy!" We get a team of wildly studly pilots (perhaps

dressed in tight black leather flight suits) to help the newcomer become

properly attired so that when he gets his CJ6A or Yak-52 marshalled into

the back forty of the warbird parking at OSH, back behind the Cessna

Skymasters, Aeronca Champs, and Stinson Voyagers painted in military

schemes, everyone will know he is a PILOT's PILOT as he gets out of that

cockpit.



We will have the guy who teaches you about and helps you pick out a

flight suit. ("No, no silly, Nomex is the ONLY way.  And you need to put

that patch riiiight there.  It is more slimming and besides, it doesn't

clash quite so much with that patch.")  Then there is the guy who nods

thoughfully while chewing on an unlighted cigar as he instructs you on

the finer points of selecting a fine mineral oil for your airplane.

("Well, if you are having 100LL I recommend a full-bodied,

straight-weight Aeroshell 120W but if you are sipping auto fuel in the

winter a multi-vis Phillips 25W60 is a better choice.")  Additional

experts will help you with decorating ... I mean paint schemes and nose

art, avionics, and cockpit (oooh, I just LOVE that word)

instrumentation.  Never underestimate the machismo of vacuum-tube

avionics and the ability to say, "I have a fire in the avionics bay so I

am shutting down the electrical system and popping

the bottle.  I'll just follow your hand signals from now on," uttered in

a bored drawl.  Ernie Gann and Chuck Yaeger would be so proud!



You know, if our Red Star Marketing Agent and Registered TV Personallity

is on-the-ball, he can probably turn this into a prime-time reality TV

show and really get the RSPA on the map!  The FAA and TSA will really

pay attention when this hits #1 on the Nielson ratings.  Congress

critters won't be able to wait to throw their weight our way especially

if we offer to come out and campaign for them.



But don't forget, you heard it from me first.  I expect that from now

on, when the flying is done for the day and we retire to the bar to

"debrief" (as I unzip my mauve Kermel flightsuit about three inches to

properly display my ascot), that I will never have to buy my own fruity

boat drinks with the little parasols again.



-- 

Brian Lloyd                         361 Catterline Way

brian-yak at lloyd dot com          Folsom, CA 95630

+1.916.367.2131 (voice)             +1.270.912.0788 (fax)



I fly because it releases my mind from the tyranny of petty things . . .

- Antoine de Saint-Exupery

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_________________
Brian Lloyd
brian-yak at lloyd dot com
+1.916.367.2131 (voice) +1.270.912.0788 (fax)

I fly because it releases my mind from the tyranny of petty things . . .
- Antoine de Saint-Exupery

pilling.k(at)btconnect.co
Guest

Posted: Fri Feb 17, 2006 5:08 am Post subject: [humor] Manly men wear Nomex (was: Flight Suits again...)

How well and acerbically this post wraps several subjects up  !



kp



---

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brian

Joined: 02 Jan 2006
Posts: 643
Location: Sacramento, California, USA

Posted: Fri Feb 17, 2006 7:17 am Post subject: [humor] Manly men wear Nomex (was: Flight Suits again...)

Kevin Pilling wrote:

 	  Quote: 	
		   

 

 How well and acerbically this post wraps several subjects up  !


	


Thank you Kevin. Sometimes you just have to laugh at yourself to

maintain perspective.



-- 

Brian Lloyd                         361 Catterline Way

brian-yak at lloyd dot com          Folsom, CA 95630

+1.916.367.2131 (voice)             +1.270.912.0788 (fax)



I fly because it releases my mind from the tyranny of petty things . . .

- Antoine de Saint-Exupery

- The Matronics Yak-List Email Forum -

Use the List Feature Navigator to browse the many List utilities available such as the Email Subscriptions page, Archive Search & Download, 7-Day Browse, Chat, FAQ, Photoshare, and much more:

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HawkerPilot2015

Joined: 10 Jan 2006
Posts: 503

Posted: Fri Feb 17, 2006 8:11 am Post subject: Re: [humor] Manly men wear Nomex (was: Flight Suits again..

Brian,

Are you getting paid for each post you put on here? If so, you could buy all of the FSU!

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cduster(at)inteliport.com
Guest

Posted: Fri Feb 17, 2006 4:21 pm Post subject: [humor] Manly men wear Nomex (was: Flight Suits again...)

   

         

  

From: Craig Craft [mailto:cduster(at)inteliport.com] 

 Sent: Friday, February 17, 2006 9:50 AM

 To: 'yak-list(at)matronics.com'

 Subject: Re: [humor] Manly men wear Nomex (was: Flight Suits again...)  

  

   

Brian,  

 	  Quote: 	
		     

      Your rant on green flight suits reminds me of the folks you see   

 who decide to get a new bicycle for exercise.  I'm sure they all rode   

 bikes as kids wearing blue jeans, tee shirts, and maybe shoes if they felt like it.  

 Now that they are in their 30's or 40's it now becomes necessary to   

 ride a bike only when clad in spandex shorts, spandex shirt, and some   

 form of aerodynamic helmet.  I guess they think that it also helps to   

 loose weight if their cloths look like someone is sponsoring them.    

 Bright colors and big logos on skin tight clothes must certainly burn   

 more calories than pedaling a beach cruiser in jeans.  I joined the   

 RPA primarily to learn about the aircraft that I am interested in.  I   

 got the chance to fly to the Waycross event and quickly realized that   

 jeans and a button down shirt don't fit in when everyone is trying to   

 pretend to be in the military.  If that is what they want to wear,   

 then more power to them, but to require such promotes the image that   

 the RPA is exclusionary and in my opinion does a disservice to the   

 RPA.  Just because the aircraft are from communist countries doesn't   

 mean that the pilots should adopt those philosophies.  Yall can see me   

 at the next event in my regular attire.  If you won't let me play, then I'll just take my ball and bat and go home.  

    (By the way, I wrote that early this morning before “hitman” posted his rant, but I couldn’t post it because of an email problem)  By the way, I fly about 600  
	


    hours per year under 500 feet, with about 200 of them either more than 60* bank or under 12 feet.  I don’t want to wear any green suit.  I don’t dress you, and you  

    don’t need to dress me.  If you don’t want to get hurt in an airplane, spend your money on maintenance or training, not something to hold patches declaring  

    your aviation supremacy.  Yes you are riding in close proximity to fuel.  Have you ever ridden a motorcycle!  How much nomex does it take to make you comfortable straddling five gallons of  

    high test?  Heck, look around the next time you are cutting the grass.    

 	  Quote: 	
		     

   

 Craig Craft  

 Sorry I don’t have a call sign, I just go by what Mama calls me  

 Underdressed for sure!

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viperdoc(at)mindspring.co
Guest

Posted: Fri Feb 17, 2006 5:21 pm Post subject: [humor] Manly men wear Nomex (was: Flight Suits again...)

Craig,

 FYI, today I flew two rides in my 52..attired in my blue jeans, cotton T-shirt, cotton white socks, and tennis shoes.

 Doc

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