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Enjoy a laugh

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mgeans(at)provide.net
Guest

Posted: Mon Nov 06, 2006 4:46 pm Post subject: Enjoy a laugh

All,  



Since some postings have not always been directly about

building I was reviewing some mail and found this exerpt

that just might let us all forget our stresses for a

moment.



Enjoy,



Matt Geans

Builder Wanna-be



After every Qantas Airlines flight, pilots complete a gripe

sheet which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered

with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or

correction. The form used is a piece of paper on which the

pilot completes the top part listing the problem, which the

mechanics read and then respond in writing on the lower

half of the form what remedial action was taken, so the

pilot on the next flight of that plane can review the

formbefore taking off.

 	  Quote: 	
		   Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack

a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance
	


complaints and responses with P = the problem logged by the

pilot, S = the solution and action taken by engineers.

Qantas, by the way, is the only major airline that has

never had an accident.

 	  Quote: 	
		   

 

 P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.

 S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

 

 P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

 S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

 

 P: Something loose in cockpit.

 S: Something tightened in cockpit.

 

 P: Dead bugs on windshield.

 S: Live bugs on back-order.

 

 P: Autopilot in altitude -hold mode produces a 200 feet

 per minute

 descent.

 S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

 

 P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

 S: Evidence removed.

 

 P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

 S: DME volume set to more believable level.

 

 P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

 S: That's what they' re there for.

 

 P: IFF inoperative.

 S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

 

 P: Suspected crack in windshield.

 S: Suspect you're right.

 

 P: Number 3 engine missing.

 S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

 

 P: Aircraft handles funny.

 S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be

 serious.

 

 P: Target radar hums.

 S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

 

 P: Mouse in cockpit.

 S: Cat installed

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Rick S.

Joined: 12 Feb 2006
Posts: 347
Location: Las Vegas

Posted: Mon Nov 06, 2006 7:02 pm Post subject: Enjoy a laugh

Matt,



As long as this has been floating around I still get a chuckle. 



Over the years while twisting wrenches you come across some pretty interesting discrepancies that have been written by the aircrews. Of course discipline and the fear of Commanders retaliation kept most of us from such snappy corrective actions. Although I did manage to see one corrective action to remove & replace a stick actuator for an ECS problem,  that the "actual" stick actuator had nothing to so with the problem unlike the organic (read Aircrew) stick actuator the smart a** who made the entry was trying to point out. BTW this helps to understand this scenario a bit easier (Nevada desert, August,  2 in the PM, A/C not cool enough on the ground, really No Sh*t sir 



Unfortunately, the Pro-Super that night at about 11 PM doing ER's noticed that in order to replace a stick actuator there were at least 6 different ops checks and the actual removal and replacement which had not been documented. Soooooo guess what we did for the next 3 hours? Flight control test, Gun ops check, nose wheel steering check, FCR ops check, air refueling door ops check, RWR ops check and finally a QA inspection on the actual removal and replacement on the grip which never was actually replaced. Ya think that Chief was trying to learn us Airmen something?



Rick S.

40185



do not archive

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_________________
Rick S.
RV-10
40185

k5wiv(at)amsat.org
Guest

Posted: Tue Nov 07, 2006 3:50 am Post subject: Enjoy a laugh

And then I don't remember the gripes (it's been almost 45 years), but there

were the write-ups:



"short between the headset."



and



"Loose nut on the control stick."



Jack & Cecilia Sargeant

1127 Patricia St.

Wichita, KS 67208-2642

316/683-5268

--

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