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the American way

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fklein(at)orcasonline.com
Guest

Posted: Wed Sep 26, 2007 5:43 pm Post subject: the American way

After every flight, UPS (United Parcel Service) pilots fill out a form, 

called a

"gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. 

The mechanics

 correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then

 pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be

 said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual

 maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and 

the

 solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

 

(UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.)

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

 S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

 

 P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

 S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

 

 P: Something loose in cockpit

 S: Something tightened in cockpit

 

 P: Dead bugs on windshield.

 S: Live bugs on back-order.

 

 P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute

 descent.

 S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

 

 P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

 S: Evidence removed.

 

 P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

 S: DME volume set to more believable level.

 

 P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

 S: That's what friction locks are for.

 

 P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

 S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

 

 P: Suspected crack in windshield.

 S: Suspect you're right.

 

 P: Number 3 engine missing.

 S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

 

 P: Aircraft handles funny.

 S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

 

 P: Target radar hums.

 S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

 

 P: Mouse in cockpit.

 S: Cat installed.

 

 P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget

 		pounding on something with a hammer.

 S: Took hammer away from midget.



do not archive

 



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steven.pitt2(at)ntlworld.
Guest

Posted: Thu Sep 27, 2007 12:35 am Post subject: the American way

Well done Fred. I was having a bad day and  your message put a smile on my face.

 Regards

 Steve Pitt G-SMDH

   [quote][b]

- The Matronics Europa-List Email Forum -

Use the List Feature Navigator to browse the many List utilities available such as the Email Subscriptions page, Archive Search & Download, 7-Day Browse, Chat, FAQ, Photoshare, and much more:

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houlihan(at)blueyonder.co
Guest

Posted: Thu Sep 27, 2007 8:39 am Post subject: the American way

Well it is the case that the old ones are the best.  

I don’t know how long UPS have had an airline and pilots, I’m sure they don’t have target radars !! fitted  

I think these “Actual” pilots comments can be found in documents nearly 50 years ago.  

   

I do recall when a young lad in the RAF I signed for the “before flight inspection” of a Canberra B2 Bomber only to be advised that that I must have good eyesight as that particular aircraft was actually in Germany while I was in Norfolk !!.  

   

Best regards  

   

Tim   

   

         

  

From: owner-europa-list-server(at)matronics.com [mailto:owner-europa-list-server(at)matronics.com] On Behalf Of Fred Klein

 Sent: 27 September 2007 02:40

 To: europa-list(at)matronics.com

 Subject: the American way  

  

   

After every flight, UPS (United Parcel Service) pilots fill out a form, called a 

 "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics

  correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then

  pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be

  said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual

  maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the

  solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

  

 (UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.)

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

  S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

  

  P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

  S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

  

  P: Something loose in cockpit

  S: Something tightened in cockpit

  

  P: Dead bugs on windshield.

  S: Live bugs on back-order.

  

  P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute

  descent.

  S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

  

  P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

  S: Evidence removed.

  

  P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

  S: DME volume set to more believable level.

  

  P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

  S: That's what friction locks are for.

  

  P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

  S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

  

  P: Suspected crack in windshield.

  S: Suspect you're right.

  

  P: Number 3 engine missing.

  S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

  

  P: Aircraft handles funny.

  S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

  

  P: Target radar hums.

  S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

  

  P: Mouse in cockpit.

  S: Cat installed.

  

  P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget

   pounding on something with a hammer.

  S: Took hammer away from midget.

 

 do not archive

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  23/09/2007 13:53

   

     

  23/09/2007 13:53

      [quote][b]

- The Matronics Europa-List Email Forum -

Use the List Feature Navigator to browse the many List utilities available such as the Email Subscriptions page, Archive Search & Download, 7-Day Browse, Chat, FAQ, Photoshare, and much more:

http://www.matronics.com/Navigator?Europa-List

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