Afterfxllc(at)aol.com
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 Posted: Mon May 19, 2008 4:49 pm Post subject: UPS |
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[b]UPS Air Cargo[/b]
[b]Just in case you need a laugh:[/b]
[b][b]Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs. After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.[/b]
[b]Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints subm itted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. [/b]
[/b]
[b]By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.[/b]
[b]P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.[/b]
[b][b]*[/b]
[b]P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.[/b]
[b]* [/b]
[b]P: Something loose in cockpit S: Something tightened in cockpit[/b]
[b]*[/b]
[b]P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order.[/b][/b]
[b]*[/b]
[b][b]P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute[/b][/b][b] [/b][b]descent[/b][b].[/b]
[b]S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.[/b]
[b][b]*[/b]
[b]P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed.[/b]
[b]*[/b]
[b]P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level.[/b]
[b]*[/b]
[b]P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what friction locks are for.[/b]
[b]*[/b]
[b]P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.[/b]
[b]*[/b]
[b]P: Suspected crack in windshield S : Suspect you're right.[/b]
[b]*[/b]
[b]P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search[/b]
[b]*[/b]
[b]P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)[/b]
[b]S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.[/b]
[b]*[/b]
[b]P: Target radar hums.[/b]
[b]S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.[/b]
[b]*[/b]
[b]P: Mouse in cockpit.[/b]
[b]S: Cat installed.[/b]
[b]*[/b]
[b]And the best one for last[/b]
[b]*[/b]
[b]P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a[/b][/b][b] [/b][b]midget pounding on something with a hammer.[/b]
[b][b]S: Took hammer away from midget.[/b][/b]
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[quote][b]
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