airvair601(at)yahoo.com
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 Posted: Mon May 18, 2009 5:12 am Post subject: Operational description of tools used in aircraft building |
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Attached is an operational description of tools frequently used in aircraft building
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Gentlemen, Equip your shop with this minimum tool inventory.
DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat
metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and
, denting the freshly-painted project which
you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to
it.
WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them
somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes
fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it
takes you to say, 'Oh nuts'
ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age.
SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert
minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing
jobs.
HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on
the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable
motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more
dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off boltheads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the
palm of your hand.
TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool
commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall
integrity.
BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily
used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that
more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line
instead of the outside edge.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally
used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style
paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used,
as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to
convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering
your palms.
HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war,
the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most
expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.
UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard
cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such
as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines,
refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work
clothes, but only while in use.
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